Forever boy

You know
The kind of boy
Who holds your face
Inside his palms like
He’s holding water
And he’s so careful
Not to let it drip out of
The spaces in between his fingers
And he’s thirty too
But he won’t drink it
Because he’s scared that
What will happen next
What will happen after he’s done
With the water
And he holds it and
Looks upon it with glazing eyes
And feel it cool the edges of his palms
His fingers, his palm lines
His fingerprints.
You know that boy?
I had him too
I loved him too
Then my love had to die
Because he was too late to drink me.
So you know that boy?
Who just looks at you and not do anything
You’ll have to wait forever for him
So you know that boy?
So know this too that
He’s not for you.

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©The Rendezvous Club

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Coping mechanisms — YouTube video

Hey guys my new YouTube video is out and it’s because of all your support that I keep posting these videos so I hope you support me on this one as well. And thank you for the love that you’ve been giving me.

The Link to the video is down below 👇

Reason to live

it’s not everyday that
your mother tells you that
she is alive just for you
just for you
not even for your sister
just for you
so in a way
that also means that
you saved a life didn’t you?
and it also means that
you’re the reason someone
didn’t take their life.
now you’re listening to her
you have a cup of coffee in your hand
it’s black, it’s hot
it’s burning the edges of your cuticle
you’re staring right into it
and all that’s running through your mind is that
weather you should dip your finger
inside the coffee or not
you know it’s hot
i know it’s hot.
it definitely is hot
but that compulsion is there
to dip your finger in the coffee
and burn it
because why not, right?
i’ve done this before
i’ve purposely hurted me
just so that I feel okay
Okay!
it’s raining outside
and your mother is crying
but you’re ignoring it
because if she has depression
you have it too.
you know that very well
you share everything
and the last time she banged her head
in the wall
You did it too
and the last time she held a knife to her wrist
and suddenly tried to hide it in front of you
two days before this
you held a knife to your chest too
but you didn’t break in it
just because you thought about her
just the way she thought about you
that you are just living for her
and she is the reason why you’re alive
just like how you’re the reason for her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Y


You make me want to give up writing. Because I started all this for you and now that you’re gone I don’t see the purpose behind it. I look back into the moon, it’s waining and so am I. I don’t love you anymore and you stopped loving me way before I did. Maybe that’s why I stopped, because you didn’t love me anymore and no matter how much I try to convince my heart that you still loved me, it somehow found out that you weren’t and it chose to move on. People always talk about how hard it is for our heart to move on but they are wrong. Heart moves on when it knows that it isn’t loved anymore it is the brain that is stuck to the person it knows really well. It is stuck to those memories, those electric touches that happens when their fingers touches ours. It’s our brain that keeps reminding us of all the old conversations, how they smelled, how they used to chew their food, how those lips moved as it smiled, just about anything and everything, the things which we didn’t even knew we noticed, it all comes back to us. The heart is not to blame for this, it is we, it is all us, our brains. We were just so used to them that our brain wants them back to feel normal again. You know what’s the difference between yours and ours ? It’s the ‘Y’ . And I don’t even know why this ‘Y’ makes our life fall apart.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Drunk and dial


My best friend called me yesterday
to tell me he is happy now
and he also added that he’s drunk
he then told me about his new magical power
to fold bottles into memories of his past life
and how when he drinks from them
he can see the sky falling
and he then told me how much he danced
because of this
and he said now when he looks up
he can see stars again
and they looked like me
and that’s why he is calling me.
He then told me how much he loved me,
he never said this to me before and
he said he loved me like his mother,
very innocent but that
he will not be his father,
broken and bruised and tired of living
and he will never behave to me like
how his father did with him
he would never crumble me
inside his origami palms
like petals of a fragile flower
and use it’s color to paint rage.
He then said that he misses me
and now when he look down
he can see the earth move under his feet
and how he see the dirt forming
a mountain in front of him
but he feels like he can conquer this mountain
because it’s all his
and because he have this love inside him
which keeps on whispering in his ears
that he can do it.
And then he broke down into a stream of sobs
until I whispered I love you back to him


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Walking away


It all starts with you
You switching on and off the lights
And I am sitting in front of my soup bowl
Wanting, thinking to bite off my nails
Wishing, aching to scratch off my skin.
I want to walk backwards now,
Walk off of this room and never let
You turn these lights on.
I want to walk off the kitchen and not cook today.
I want to walk into a bar rather
Or a karaoke, then listen to some stranger sing one of my favorite song terribly,
Choke on some peanuts and fall
Asleep on the counter, like I’m dead
But sober. I want to walk into a zoo
And pet the Lions there, maybe watch
Them as they bite off my hands
Like they were more passionate
About my hands than I am of them.
I want to walk off this room and forget everything
About this night
I want to learn the art of disappearing
Then perfect the art of forgetting,
I want to walk out of this room now and
Forget you because
It all starts with you walking into me. .


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved !

Eulogy


As I lay in a war bed
With my legs apart
Wearing nothing but magic
They pull a baby out of me
Like a flower
Purple they are and my mouth red
Thinking about you is a kind of torture
Which always resides in my head
And I allow them to be there
Like sunrises they are needed.
I let the wolves howl your name
Until there is no more of you
Left in my mouth
I wear white to your wedding
But inside me I’m blue.
You’re a kind of wonder
A wonder that causes destructions
In parts unknown
I move my lips
And you causes earthquakes on my wrist.
The lilac sky is singing homage to my heart
Are you dead
Or is it me
Who’s waking up in the arms of another man.
What would you write as a eulogy for me
If I write one for you
It would just say
You were mine.
Your skin sparkles like the dust of a mirror
I love you and your shards
Imprint my blood
You are all over my veins that
My blood is causing waves to crash my heart.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!