Reason to live

it’s not everyday that
your mother tells you that
she is alive just for you
just for you
not even for your sister
just for you
so in a way
that also means that
you saved a life didn’t you?
and it also means that
you’re the reason someone
didn’t take their life.
now you’re listening to her
you have a cup of coffee in your hand
it’s black, it’s hot
it’s burning the edges of your cuticle
you’re staring right into it
and all that’s running through your mind is that
weather you should dip your finger
inside the coffee or not
you know it’s hot
i know it’s hot.
it definitely is hot
but that compulsion is there
to dip your finger in the coffee
and burn it
because why not, right?
i’ve done this before
i’ve purposely hurted me
just so that I feel okay
Okay!
it’s raining outside
and your mother is crying
but you’re ignoring it
because if she has depression
you have it too.
you know that very well
you share everything
and the last time she banged her head
in the wall
You did it too
and the last time she held a knife to her wrist
and suddenly tried to hide it in front of you
two days before this
you held a knife to your chest too
but you didn’t break in it
just because you thought about her
just the way she thought about you
that you are just living for her
and she is the reason why you’re alive
just like how you’re the reason for her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

45 thoughts on “Reason to live

  1. Heart wrenching……..it makes me wonder how we conceal our deepest feelings from the people we are closest to……and we all do it at some point in life thinking we are saving them grief but time has taught me it’s so important to come out and speak ……even scream if we must…….. depression needs to be talked about

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, Adithya, you’ve left me speechless with this poem, so beautifully written, full of powerful emotions, so deeply poignant. I hope you are fine. Wish you the best, dear. You are a very talented poet.

    Like

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