Love Is crazy


You always tell me not to fall in love with you and then you places your finger on my lips as if you know that I’m going to confess to you then and there that I’ve been in love with you ever since we met and now there is no point in you advising me not to fall in love with you as I am already in love with you, I always was in love with you and there is no need to ask me not to fall now as I’ve already reached the bottom of the pit called love.

Love is what the eyes can’t see yet the heart can feel. I can feel you in every one of my breath as if my love for you is an organ inside my body trying to keep me alive, trying to salvage what’s left of my sanity, keeping me upright and from tripping over.

I often wonder how is it that love acts both as the disease and the panacea for the affected. How it makes people crazy and how it brings back people to their senses all at once. How can something have two opposite effects on someone’s heart at the same time. I guess I’ll never know.

I know it is your right to ask me not to fall in love just as much as it is my right to fall in love with you without your permission. And I does what my heart says without listening to my head saying that this is the road towards pain and you may not be rewarded with love in the end. And I still walk down that lane hoping that something might change and I’ll be loved the same way as I am loving you. I guess that’s what love makes of you. It stretches you apart as much as you can stretch to know how durable you are then it lets you go so that you come bangging back to your own pieces and hurt everywhere just to know how much you can endure pain. Love is the craziest thing in the world. It makes you do stuff which you’ve never even imagined you’d do and it is also the most perfect thing in the world. It perfects your soul.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Reason to live

it’s not everyday that
your mother tells you that
she is alive just for you
just for you
not even for your sister
just for you
so in a way
that also means that
you saved a life didn’t you?
and it also means that
you’re the reason someone
didn’t take their life.
now you’re listening to her
you have a cup of coffee in your hand
it’s black, it’s hot
it’s burning the edges of your cuticle
you’re staring right into it
and all that’s running through your mind is that
weather you should dip your finger
inside the coffee or not
you know it’s hot
i know it’s hot.
it definitely is hot
but that compulsion is there
to dip your finger in the coffee
and burn it
because why not, right?
i’ve done this before
i’ve purposely hurted me
just so that I feel okay
Okay!
it’s raining outside
and your mother is crying
but you’re ignoring it
because if she has depression
you have it too.
you know that very well
you share everything
and the last time she banged her head
in the wall
You did it too
and the last time she held a knife to her wrist
and suddenly tried to hide it in front of you
two days before this
you held a knife to your chest too
but you didn’t break in it
just because you thought about her
just the way she thought about you
that you are just living for her
and she is the reason why you’re alive
just like how you’re the reason for her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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When you love a Sun and you are a Sun.


I love someone. He knows that I do but he doesn’t says anything about it though. He just said it’s gonna hurt. I asked him, who? And he said me and you both. When a Moon and a Sun is in love, they have eclipse, when a Sun loves a planet he Dawn on it as light. But what happens when a Sun is in love with another Sun? You simply just can’t do anything, other than feel the pain I guess. And I know it’s gonna hurt.

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PS:- I’m not in love. Just some thoughts to ponder on, instilled by a friend.

Picture credit:- Pinterest

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Can you love someone deeply yet not enough?


I got a text from him last Friday saying that he’s going out for a while. He does this a lot and I’m fine with it. People do need their space but I just can’t believe that I accept it now. That people need space. I never thought that you needed breaks from people you love. Maybe I still don’t believe that.

When we met yesterday after his break, he looked the same, he loved the same and he smiled at me while he took his first sip of coffee and said it needed more sugar just like always. But. . . .

Can you love someone and not love them just enough? Unfortunately I think it’s possible. That’s what we were. He loved me but just not enough to hold me close. We just had a brief conversation and I was silent mostly. And when he thought something might be off he asked me what is going on with me? I chose not to reply and I just asked him something

Did you miss me while you were away? Did you miss me at all? He didn’t say anything for a while and just continued to stare into my face, motionless. He loves his space, his solitude, he loves him more. And I can’t do that, I can’t be the person who loves someone more than myself and be with a person who loves themselves more than me. Because it just feels so unfair.

Can someone love you but not love you enough?
Yes. . . . .! And yes . . . . . . It’s painful!


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019!

All Rights Reserved!

We broke it/us


What would you do if something is so right? I once asked him. He replied; we make it wrong.

That’s exactly what happened with us. We were so textbook right that, we made us wrong.

1) Keeping count of time.

We used to talk always, we used to talk a lot and when we started talking less, that time difference played an important role in keeping us apart. We were so scared that we were drifting away just because we talked less. We were actually more scared that we sort of started thinking it as a timetable that we forgot to follow. Our first mistake was that we convinced ourselves that time was ripping us off but it was our thoughts that was doing so. We gave importance to something which didn’t matter. Time never mattered feelings did .Don’t mess that up.

2) We shared ourselves too much.

We were so open with each other that we always felt like we were always with each other. But then we shared everything that things slowly started to be a ritual. More like calendar work. And finally like a recluse we forgot which day it was and what week. Stay together but not within each other, just together. I know that now.

3) I take you back, every time you come back.

You leave for your own good, I make peace with it, I sob, I lament, I cry, I break myself into pieces and I lay there on the floor trying to pick myself up. Convincing myself this is life and no fairytale, then you come back and I take you in because my heart still is convinced it’s a fairy tale.

4) You collect my broken pieces.

You leave, you come back, you leave, you come back and when I let you in, I never notices that you came back to get a part from my broken pieces and then walk away again. Then come back again when you miss me collect another part and leave. But what I should have known was, if I let you continue this, I wouldn’t be able to stand up on myself with all those missing pieces of myself.

5) We broke each other.

We were so right for each other that we couldn’t stand it and ended up ruining ourselves and our mind. Are you over me yet?


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Distant Talks


Her:- Do you know how I feels like, when you’re sad?

Him :- How?

Her:- I feels like crying. . .

Him:- . . . .

Her:- Do you know why?

Him:- Hmm. Why?

Her:- Because I can’t be there with you. Because I can’t hug you tight and I can’t tell you it’s alright, that everything will be fine and not let you do anything stupid. Like the things you are doing now. . . .


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©The Rendezvous Club

All Rights Reserved!

Hey

I’ve been absent from WordPress for quiet a while now. I still don’t know what went wrong with me, but just suddenly one day I just lost my mind, my will to live and a lot of other things happened too and everything that I loved started being a burden to me. And I just lost my interest in WordPress. Now I’m a trying to be back here, I’m here now and I still don’t know if I can be consistent again, hope I can. I used to love blogging and I love all you guys. Well this is not a personal blog and now I’ll stop talking about myself. Hope you’re all fine. And tell me in the comment section, what did I miss in the last one, two months and how are you all?.