Faraway


I cannot touch you
Neither can I suture those wounds
You showed me a picture of two days ago
Because one, I’m not a nurse or a doctor
And two, you’re so far away

I can’t touch you.
And I know that the second reason
Will always hurt me the most
Because if I was close
I would have at least called a doctor for you,
Or rushed you to a hospital
Or at least kissed your wound and
Told you it will all be fine
But you’re far away
And I only see pictures of you in wounds
And they never bleeds out of the photographs
Because they’re still
But still, they kill me
Because I cannot touch you.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Fools in love


Madhav, I’m so sorry that I fell in love with you, despite all your warnings. But I gotta say we both knew this was inevitable. I always knew that this was gonna happen and I let it happen because when something as rare as love comes knocking on the door of your heart one day, who will say no? Therefore even I couldn’t say no and I let it come in knowing that it will be the end of a friendship I long cherished.

You were so different than anyone I had ever met. I don’t think I know any other writer who hates rain. I don’t know no other person who loves sun more than the moon and I know no other person who when holding my hands makes my breath stop…. Maybe that’s why I loved you because you were different than any other person I knew and I wanted you all to myself.

Some people say that when in love it’s only the little things that matter and I was so in love that I only looked at the little things and I forgot to see the big picture. I was stuck at the little things, the little moments, the countless minutes of cute romantic gestures. . . . . I loved how you always sipped the last of my chai every time we were together. I have no idea why you used to do that because you said hated chai more than how I hated paneer. And I loved it that you bought me Gems every time you came to meet me and how you gathered all the purple gems to make a small heart out of them and how each time you asked me to put an arrow through that heart. It made me think that maybe you also felt the same for me in indefinite moments.

Maybe you did love me in our little things. But the big picture had something else to say. But I, I loved you infinitely. I loved you knowing that you will never be mine and that you can’t be mine. That makes me a little foolish, doesn’t it? But I can’t really blame myself for this, because aren’t we all fools in love?


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PS:- The story is fictional

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© The Rendezvous Club 2020

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What your name does to me.


Being in love with someone who’s not in love with you is punishment. My Ammi said this to me years ago and I instantly knew she was talking about herself and Abbu, but I just didn’t know who was the person who was in love until one day Abbu packed his bags and left. That day Ammi started packing a bag underneath her eyes and she had those with her until the day she died. After seeing what love can do to people I swore to God that I’ll never fall in love and that was broken the day I met you.

I remember that someone once told me, you transform in love. When in love you are the whole world and the world is you and sometimes it only takes a name, your lovers name to change your body into oceans, riverbeds and landslides and now I know that true because….

Every time I hear your name being called out it’s like the tectonic plates inside my body just shifted whilst there’s a tsunami forming above my navel and it’s snowing down the artic of my belly button while a gasping tornado just struck the Mexican walls of my rib cages as the African caves inside my throat is gasping for breath. And even though this is punishment I don’t mind being the world because love makes me universal and I’m so in love with you, I’m so in love that I now know how Ammi might have felt when she packed all those bags underneath her eyes just to be in love.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020
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Love is eternally toxic


The last time you left me you said that love is eternally toxic. And you closed the door behind me as I was struggling not to cry. You came back three days later you didn’t say a thing, you didn’t apologise either we hugged on the fifth day.

The time before that you said it isn’t love if I can leave you and be okay with it. And you closed the door behind me while I was on the floor crying. And you came home 48 and a half hours later holding a rose in your hand and a cut in your left hand, you broke a mirror you said as I tended to the wound.

The time before that you said you can’t be in love with me because you’ve never been in love before and it can’t be love if it hurts this much and you closed the door behind me as I was shouting at you. You came back the next morning with a letter in your hand that said you loved me a hundred times and it hurts more to leave me than how much it hurts to stay.

This time before you left you said that, I love you so much that I have to leave you because I can’t stay because…. I can’t stay and I held the door for you and I closed it behind your back.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Forever boy

You know
The kind of boy
Who holds your face
Inside his palms like
He’s holding water
And he’s so careful
Not to let it drip out of
The spaces in between his fingers
And he’s thirty too
But he won’t drink it
Because he’s scared that
What will happen next
What will happen after he’s done
With the water
And he holds it and
Looks upon it with glazing eyes
And feel it cool the edges of his palms
His fingers, his palm lines
His fingerprints.
You know that boy?
I had him too
I loved him too
Then my love had to die
Because he was too late to drink me.
So you know that boy?
Who just looks at you and not do anything
You’ll have to wait forever for him
So you know that boy?
So know this too that
He’s not for you.

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©The Rendezvous Club

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Reason to live

it’s not everyday that
your mother tells you that
she is alive just for you
just for you
not even for your sister
just for you
so in a way
that also means that
you saved a life didn’t you?
and it also means that
you’re the reason someone
didn’t take their life.
now you’re listening to her
you have a cup of coffee in your hand
it’s black, it’s hot
it’s burning the edges of your cuticle
you’re staring right into it
and all that’s running through your mind is that
weather you should dip your finger
inside the coffee or not
you know it’s hot
i know it’s hot.
it definitely is hot
but that compulsion is there
to dip your finger in the coffee
and burn it
because why not, right?
i’ve done this before
i’ve purposely hurted me
just so that I feel okay
Okay!
it’s raining outside
and your mother is crying
but you’re ignoring it
because if she has depression
you have it too.
you know that very well
you share everything
and the last time she banged her head
in the wall
You did it too
and the last time she held a knife to her wrist
and suddenly tried to hide it in front of you
two days before this
you held a knife to your chest too
but you didn’t break in it
just because you thought about her
just the way she thought about you
that you are just living for her
and she is the reason why you’re alive
just like how you’re the reason for her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Y


You make me want to give up writing. Because I started all this for you and now that you’re gone I don’t see the purpose behind it. I look back into the moon, it’s waining and so am I. I don’t love you anymore and you stopped loving me way before I did. Maybe that’s why I stopped, because you didn’t love me anymore and no matter how much I try to convince my heart that you still loved me, it somehow found out that you weren’t and it chose to move on. People always talk about how hard it is for our heart to move on but they are wrong. Heart moves on when it knows that it isn’t loved anymore it is the brain that is stuck to the person it knows really well. It is stuck to those memories, those electric touches that happens when their fingers touches ours. It’s our brain that keeps reminding us of all the old conversations, how they smelled, how they used to chew their food, how those lips moved as it smiled, just about anything and everything, the things which we didn’t even knew we noticed, it all comes back to us. The heart is not to blame for this, it is we, it is all us, our brains. We were just so used to them that our brain wants them back to feel normal again. You know what’s the difference between yours and ours ? It’s the ‘Y’ . And I don’t even know why this ‘Y’ makes our life fall apart.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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