What your name does to me.


Being in love with someone who’s not in love with you is punishment. My Ammi said this to me years ago and I instantly knew she was talking about herself and Abbu, but I just didn’t know who was the person who was in love until one day Abbu packed his bags and left. That day Ammi started packing a bag underneath her eyes and she had those with her until the day she died. After seeing what love can do to people I swore to God that I’ll never fall in love and that was broken the day I met you.

I remember that someone once told me, you transform in love. When in love you are the whole world and the world is you and sometimes it only takes a name, your lovers name to change your body into oceans, riverbeds and landslides and now I know that true because….

Every time I hear your name being called out it’s like the tectonic plates inside my body just shifted whilst there’s a tsunami forming above my navel and it’s snowing down the artic of my belly button while a gasping tornado just struck the Mexican walls of my rib cages as the African caves inside my throat is gasping for breath. And even though this is punishment I don’t mind being the world because love makes me universal and I’m so in love with you, I’m so in love that I now know how Ammi might have felt when she packed all those bags underneath her eyes just to be in love.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020
All Rights Reserved!

Love is eternally toxic


The last time you left me you said that love is eternally toxic. And you closed the door behind me as I was struggling not to cry. You came back three days later you didn’t say a thing, you didn’t apologise either we hugged on the fifth day.

The time before that you said it isn’t love if I can leave you and be okay with it. And you closed the door behind me while I was on the floor crying. And you came home 48 and a half hours later holding a rose in your hand and a cut in your left hand, you broke a mirror you said as I tended to the wound.

The time before that you said you can’t be in love with me because you’ve never been in love before and it can’t be love if it hurts this much and you closed the door behind me as I was shouting at you. You came back the next morning with a letter in your hand that said you loved me a hundred times and it hurts more to leave me than how much it hurts to stay.

This time before you left you said that, I love you so much that I have to leave you because I can’t stay because…. I can’t stay and I held the door for you and I closed it behind your back.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Y


You make me want to give up writing. Because I started all this for you and now that you’re gone I don’t see the purpose behind it. I look back into the moon, it’s waining and so am I. I don’t love you anymore and you stopped loving me way before I did. Maybe that’s why I stopped, because you didn’t love me anymore and no matter how much I try to convince my heart that you still loved me, it somehow found out that you weren’t and it chose to move on. People always talk about how hard it is for our heart to move on but they are wrong. Heart moves on when it knows that it isn’t loved anymore it is the brain that is stuck to the person it knows really well. It is stuck to those memories, those electric touches that happens when their fingers touches ours. It’s our brain that keeps reminding us of all the old conversations, how they smelled, how they used to chew their food, how those lips moved as it smiled, just about anything and everything, the things which we didn’t even knew we noticed, it all comes back to us. The heart is not to blame for this, it is we, it is all us, our brains. We were just so used to them that our brain wants them back to feel normal again. You know what’s the difference between yours and ours ? It’s the ‘Y’ . And I don’t even know why this ‘Y’ makes our life fall apart.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Drunk and dial


My best friend called me yesterday
to tell me he is happy now
and he also added that he’s drunk
he then told me about his new magical power
to fold bottles into memories of his past life
and how when he drinks from them
he can see the sky falling
and he then told me how much he danced
because of this
and he said now when he looks up
he can see stars again
and they looked like me
and that’s why he is calling me.
He then told me how much he loved me,
he never said this to me before and
he said he loved me like his mother,
very innocent but that
he will not be his father,
broken and bruised and tired of living
and he will never behave to me like
how his father did with him
he would never crumble me
inside his origami palms
like petals of a fragile flower
and use it’s color to paint rage.
He then said that he misses me
and now when he look down
he can see the earth move under his feet
and how he see the dirt forming
a mountain in front of him
but he feels like he can conquer this mountain
because it’s all his
and because he have this love inside him
which keeps on whispering in his ears
that he can do it.
And then he broke down into a stream of sobs
until I whispered I love you back to him


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

When I say I love you — YouTube video

Hey guys, my new YouTube video is out. With you support and love I now have about 67 subscribers and hence thank you for the love you have shared upon me and I hope you check out my new video too and if you still haven’t checked out my channel yet I hope you do now. Here’s the link to my new video 👉 Link check it out and let me know how you feel.

Thank you all for your love.

With love Adithya ❤️❤️❤️