Homophilia


There are two kinds of sins in this world
The first one is to love a man
And the second one is slightly dangerous
The second one lights a torch in the mouth of those who ever says it out loud
The second one binds you in a closet because you’re afraid of homophobia being shoved down your throat
Asking you to eat it up or die of asphyxiation from all hate clawing back to you from the churning sensation in that church going lady’s stomach.
But if you ask me the second one is like a flower
That grows in the feilds with weeds
Without frowning at the weeds
Because they follows acceptance
They see through the sparkle in their eyes that told them just how phobia ruins lives of people who had never even started to live.
The second one counts the ribs to tell God
He forgot to place those bones inside a woman
Hoping that God will reply, I never made a mistake when I made you
Your bones are right where they should be.
You see,
There are two kinds of sins in this world.
The first one is to love a man
And the second one is to be a man who loves a man.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020
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In eden


You deserve to be
Filled with a love
That makes you feel
Like the most favorite flower
In God’s garden
And you deserves to be
Taken care of with the
Most gentlest care
That it makes you wonder
Am I the most luckiest
In Eden.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Why I have my mother’s name as my second name?

Because one day my father left
And didn’t come back.
Because he said that don’t let your daughter
Grow up like you did
Hence I decided to be the fruit of her womb.
Because she stood up for herself
And I felt empowered.
Because she showed me, we women
We can do it all alone.
Because I am from her
All this rage and love.
Because she deserves a place with me
In my victory.
Because she is the one who made it
Possible.
Because she didn’t give up.
Because she taught me courage is enough.
Because she said being a woman
Is not an end to bravery.
Because her name means the moon
And I am the sun and with her
I’m the whole freaking solar system.
Because I am from her
And I am everything she dreamt of.
Because it’s not just a name,
It’s an identity
Which is drenched in the sweat and blood
Of a woman’s life long struggle.
And because it’s possible to be named after
Your mother and still be human.

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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Love Is crazy


You always tell me not to fall in love with you and then you places your finger on my lips as if you know that I’m going to confess to you then and there that I’ve been in love with you ever since we met and now there is no point in you advising me not to fall in love with you as I am already in love with you, I always was in love with you and there is no need to ask me not to fall now as I’ve already reached the bottom of the pit called love.

Love is what the eyes can’t see yet the heart can feel. I can feel you in every one of my breath as if my love for you is an organ inside my body trying to keep me alive, trying to salvage what’s left of my sanity, keeping me upright and from tripping over.

I often wonder how is it that love acts both as the disease and the panacea for the affected. How it makes people crazy and how it brings back people to their senses all at once. How can something have two opposite effects on someone’s heart at the same time. I guess I’ll never know.

I know it is your right to ask me not to fall in love just as much as it is my right to fall in love with you without your permission. And I does what my heart says without listening to my head saying that this is the road towards pain and you may not be rewarded with love in the end. And I still walk down that lane hoping that something might change and I’ll be loved the same way as I am loving you. I guess that’s what love makes of you. It stretches you apart as much as you can stretch to know how durable you are then it lets you go so that you come bangging back to your own pieces and hurt everywhere just to know how much you can endure pain. Love is the craziest thing in the world. It makes you do stuff which you’ve never even imagined you’d do and it is also the most perfect thing in the world. It perfects your soul.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Memory Bubble


As I close my eyes today under the ceiling fan working it’s way through the hot of January Kerala heat. I am preparing to dissolve myself into you. My body is a sweater that you have knitted around your heart and I fits you perfectly, even our hands fits perfectly like the dark and the moon. But there is a thread that’s sticking out, like a broken bone it’s so visible around the pale blue bruise and the blackish dried blood, I hope nobody pulls on that tread. I don’t want to be without you. I can’t stop feeling the warmth of your embrace leaving my heart for too long and the very thought of it is like the melancholy rain falling on my yellow umbrella with a hole in it. But I know you’ll leave. You have to leave. We knew this the day that we met that we’ll both leave and this sweater that we’ve knitted around each other will not be needed when summer arrives. But still I think I love you too much not to leave you now. And that’s why I’ve decided not to let this broken bone melt into it’s former shape or to let this bruised skin heal into what it was before. And that’s why I am letting this hurt that I am in right now to be the pain that reminds me of every memory that we had. Because in this way I’ll always be running into you every time a memory pops up.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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What your name does to me.


Being in love with someone who’s not in love with you is punishment. My Ammi said this to me years ago and I instantly knew she was talking about herself and Abbu, but I just didn’t know who was the person who was in love until one day Abbu packed his bags and left. That day Ammi started packing a bag underneath her eyes and she had those with her until the day she died. After seeing what love can do to people I swore to God that I’ll never fall in love and that was broken the day I met you.

I remember that someone once told me, you transform in love. When in love you are the whole world and the world is you and sometimes it only takes a name, your lovers name to change your body into oceans, riverbeds and landslides and now I know that true because….

Every time I hear your name being called out it’s like the tectonic plates inside my body just shifted whilst there’s a tsunami forming above my navel and it’s snowing down the artic of my belly button while a gasping tornado just struck the Mexican walls of my rib cages as the African caves inside my throat is gasping for breath. And even though this is punishment I don’t mind being the world because love makes me universal and I’m so in love with you, I’m so in love that I now know how Ammi might have felt when she packed all those bags underneath her eyes just to be in love.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020
All Rights Reserved!

Love is eternally toxic


The last time you left me you said that love is eternally toxic. And you closed the door behind me as I was struggling not to cry. You came back three days later you didn’t say a thing, you didn’t apologise either we hugged on the fifth day.

The time before that you said it isn’t love if I can leave you and be okay with it. And you closed the door behind me while I was on the floor crying. And you came home 48 and a half hours later holding a rose in your hand and a cut in your left hand, you broke a mirror you said as I tended to the wound.

The time before that you said you can’t be in love with me because you’ve never been in love before and it can’t be love if it hurts this much and you closed the door behind me as I was shouting at you. You came back the next morning with a letter in your hand that said you loved me a hundred times and it hurts more to leave me than how much it hurts to stay.

This time before you left you said that, I love you so much that I have to leave you because I can’t stay because…. I can’t stay and I held the door for you and I closed it behind your back.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Forever boy

You know
The kind of boy
Who holds your face
Inside his palms like
He’s holding water
And he’s so careful
Not to let it drip out of
The spaces in between his fingers
And he’s thirty too
But he won’t drink it
Because he’s scared that
What will happen next
What will happen after he’s done
With the water
And he holds it and
Looks upon it with glazing eyes
And feel it cool the edges of his palms
His fingers, his palm lines
His fingerprints.
You know that boy?
I had him too
I loved him too
Then my love had to die
Because he was too late to drink me.
So you know that boy?
Who just looks at you and not do anything
You’ll have to wait forever for him
So you know that boy?
So know this too that
He’s not for you.

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©The Rendezvous Club

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