Reason to live

it’s not everyday that
your mother tells you that
she is alive just for you
just for you
not even for your sister
just for you
so in a way
that also means that
you saved a life didn’t you?
and it also means that
you’re the reason someone
didn’t take their life.
now you’re listening to her
you have a cup of coffee in your hand
it’s black, it’s hot
it’s burning the edges of your cuticle
you’re staring right into it
and all that’s running through your mind is that
weather you should dip your finger
inside the coffee or not
you know it’s hot
i know it’s hot.
it definitely is hot
but that compulsion is there
to dip your finger in the coffee
and burn it
because why not, right?
i’ve done this before
i’ve purposely hurted me
just so that I feel okay
Okay!
it’s raining outside
and your mother is crying
but you’re ignoring it
because if she has depression
you have it too.
you know that very well
you share everything
and the last time she banged her head
in the wall
You did it too
and the last time she held a knife to her wrist
and suddenly tried to hide it in front of you
two days before this
you held a knife to your chest too
but you didn’t break in it
just because you thought about her
just the way she thought about you
that you are just living for her
and she is the reason why you’re alive
just like how you’re the reason for her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Y


You make me want to give up writing. Because I started all this for you and now that you’re gone I don’t see the purpose behind it. I look back into the moon, it’s waining and so am I. I don’t love you anymore and you stopped loving me way before I did. Maybe that’s why I stopped, because you didn’t love me anymore and no matter how much I try to convince my heart that you still loved me, it somehow found out that you weren’t and it chose to move on. People always talk about how hard it is for our heart to move on but they are wrong. Heart moves on when it knows that it isn’t loved anymore it is the brain that is stuck to the person it knows really well. It is stuck to those memories, those electric touches that happens when their fingers touches ours. It’s our brain that keeps reminding us of all the old conversations, how they smelled, how they used to chew their food, how those lips moved as it smiled, just about anything and everything, the things which we didn’t even knew we noticed, it all comes back to us. The heart is not to blame for this, it is we, it is all us, our brains. We were just so used to them that our brain wants them back to feel normal again. You know what’s the difference between yours and ours ? It’s the ‘Y’ . And I don’t even know why this ‘Y’ makes our life fall apart.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Drunk and dial


My best friend called me yesterday
to tell me he is happy now
and he also added that he’s drunk
he then told me about his new magical power
to fold bottles into memories of his past life
and how when he drinks from them
he can see the sky falling
and he then told me how much he danced
because of this
and he said now when he looks up
he can see stars again
and they looked like me
and that’s why he is calling me.
He then told me how much he loved me,
he never said this to me before and
he said he loved me like his mother,
very innocent but that
he will not be his father,
broken and bruised and tired of living
and he will never behave to me like
how his father did with him
he would never crumble me
inside his origami palms
like petals of a fragile flower
and use it’s color to paint rage.
He then said that he misses me
and now when he look down
he can see the earth move under his feet
and how he see the dirt forming
a mountain in front of him
but he feels like he can conquer this mountain
because it’s all his
and because he have this love inside him
which keeps on whispering in his ears
that he can do it.
And then he broke down into a stream of sobs
until I whispered I love you back to him


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Eulogy


As I lay in a war bed
With my legs apart
Wearing nothing but magic
They pull a baby out of me
Like a flower
Purple they are and my mouth red
Thinking about you is a kind of torture
Which always resides in my head
And I allow them to be there
Like sunrises they are needed.
I let the wolves howl your name
Until there is no more of you
Left in my mouth
I wear white to your wedding
But inside me I’m blue.
You’re a kind of wonder
A wonder that causes destructions
In parts unknown
I move my lips
And you causes earthquakes on my wrist.
The lilac sky is singing homage to my heart
Are you dead
Or is it me
Who’s waking up in the arms of another man.
What would you write as a eulogy for me
If I write one for you
It would just say
You were mine.
Your skin sparkles like the dust of a mirror
I love you and your shards
Imprint my blood
You are all over my veins that
My blood is causing waves to crash my heart.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

When I say I love you — YouTube video

Hey guys, my new YouTube video is out. With you support and love I now have about 67 subscribers and hence thank you for the love you have shared upon me and I hope you check out my new video too and if you still haven’t checked out my channel yet I hope you do now. Here’s the link to my new video 👉 Link check it out and let me know how you feel.

Thank you all for your love.

With love Adithya ❤️❤️❤️

Dear sixteen

I could say a thousand things to my sixteen year old self
And they’ll never be enough
But these are the most important of them all
The most important seven things
Which would have changed it all like weather
I could have rained or I could have been a perfectly sunny day
But I became a tornado, no a tsunami and washed all the islands of my life away.
Dear sixteen read this now even though you’re 22
You survived it all even though it was worse.

1. Don’t give him your number when he asks you. And don’t let him come near you, his intentions aren’t right. Don’t let him fool you with the word love, to him you’re just a flower for him to crush inside the lines of his palms.

2. Your father maybe away, your father may not love you, your father may love you in excess, your father may be away but you still are whole and you don’t need no other boy to complete you. You’re a hero, a heroine, a wonder and you’re perfect just the way you are.

3. You don’t have to kiss him if you don’t want to. Just shake him off of you and scream into his ears until they bleed.

4. You are allowed to say no, and dear the world maynot be a good place but you’ll eventually get into a better place than you’re in right now.

5. Your first love will not love you back, so love him truly like you mean it and like you don’t care if you get it back or not. Your love is yours, it comes from within you and you shouldn’t care about nothing else.

6. Birthdays will get boring soon and you’ll end up loving coffee more than dancing. Love the things you love while it last because soon things will change.

7. What defines you is you. You don’t need nobody, anybody or anything else to do it for you. You are you, you are the perfect you, you are the only you. So be you and make yourself proud.

You’re 16, you’re 22, all that you should care about in this world is you.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

A man without a mother


Late at night,
While the stars were rumouring
About the sun’s disappearance.
Everyday night,
I rest my left arm near
Your neck
Where there is a cigarette burn mark
Which your father gave you
Like a birthday gift.
And then I think
Of all the women
You’ve used like pen knives,
Who cut open
The soft of your ribs
Trying to find a heart inside
Smoking, smelling of dried betle leaves
In orange fire and
Left you unstitched
Like a teenage mother after birth.
Who left you for the lack of validation
Of the relationship between
Your teeth and their lips,
Their hips and your hand,
Their name with your name.
While you were in search for
Your mother in all of them
Who left you
To your father,
To be burned by cigarettes alone
And you never knew
That the moment that smoking cigarette
Touched the prints of your numb palm
You turned into smoke itself.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Women with ache

My mother pinches the side of my body
And says it’s lose, tighten it
It’s hanging out lose, tighten it
Tighten, tighten, tighten it like a lose screw
Turn, one. turn right
Two. turn left
Do this twenty times a day
It will tighten on its own
Nobody like it when women are lose.

It’s Saturday, I’m in a bus going home
Wearing my No means no t-shirt
And the man standing near me
Reads it as a yes
He simply slips his fingers down my skin
He again reads it as yes
He is searching for a treasure
And I can see the map in his eyes.
I adjust my shirt then
So that he can see the no in it
But all he sees is the cleavage
And I adjust my shirt again
And gets off the bus one stop ahead.

I raise my hands and she says that
My shirt is small
Don’t raise you hand
Don’t raise your opinion
Don’t raise your voice
Don’t, don’t, don’t.
I can see your skin
I can see your words
I can see your rage
I can, I can, I can. So shut up.
My feminism crumbles like an old abandoned building in front of my mother
And my stretch marks forgets to bleed milk
I am a colorless painting
All you can make out from me is the white borders
My feminism aches in front of my mother
And my poetry, they bleed.
But she forgets to see both.
So I endure men with pain and
Women with ache.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!