Homophilia


There are two kinds of sins in this world
The first one is to love a man
And the second one is slightly dangerous
The second one lights a torch in the mouth of those who ever says it out loud
The second one binds you in a closet because you’re afraid of homophobia being shoved down your throat
Asking you to eat it up or die of asphyxiation from all hate clawing back to you from the churning sensation in that church going lady’s stomach.
But if you ask me the second one is like a flower
That grows in the feilds with weeds
Without frowning at the weeds
Because they follows acceptance
They see through the sparkle in their eyes that told them just how phobia ruins lives of people who had never even started to live.
The second one counts the ribs to tell God
He forgot to place those bones inside a woman
Hoping that God will reply, I never made a mistake when I made you
Your bones are right where they should be.
You see,
There are two kinds of sins in this world.
The first one is to love a man
And the second one is to be a man who loves a man.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020
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Letting go


Today will be my first day
of unloving you
Even though it has been
24 days 12 hours and 6 minutes
since you left
I tried to hold on to you
for this long
And today in my dreams
I saw you leaving for one last time
And when I woke up
I decided to let you go
But letting go isn’t easy.
Letting go is like taking off
the bandage and realizing
how bad it was to not get that tetanus shot
Because now the wound is festering.
Letting go is like holding onto
to that plastic wire
Slipping off your hand
with a weight in the other end
and feel it cutting through your skin
and muscles
Letting go is like holding on
but it hurts much more.
Letting go is like that bad habbit
that you keep defending but
Even though you keep defending it
Even though you keep on trying
to hold onto to it
You’ll have to let go someday
Maybe today.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Why I have my mother’s name as my second name?

Because one day my father left
And didn’t come back.
Because he said that don’t let your daughter
Grow up like you did
Hence I decided to be the fruit of her womb.
Because she stood up for herself
And I felt empowered.
Because she showed me, we women
We can do it all alone.
Because I am from her
All this rage and love.
Because she deserves a place with me
In my victory.
Because she is the one who made it
Possible.
Because she didn’t give up.
Because she taught me courage is enough.
Because she said being a woman
Is not an end to bravery.
Because her name means the moon
And I am the sun and with her
I’m the whole freaking solar system.
Because I am from her
And I am everything she dreamt of.
Because it’s not just a name,
It’s an identity
Which is drenched in the sweat and blood
Of a woman’s life long struggle.
And because it’s possible to be named after
Your mother and still be human.

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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Faraway


I cannot touch you
Neither can I suture those wounds
You showed me a picture of two days ago
Because one, I’m not a nurse or a doctor
And two, you’re so far away

I can’t touch you.
And I know that the second reason
Will always hurt me the most
Because if I was close
I would have at least called a doctor for you,
Or rushed you to a hospital
Or at least kissed your wound and
Told you it will all be fine
But you’re far away
And I only see pictures of you in wounds
And they never bleeds out of the photographs
Because they’re still
But still, they kill me
Because I cannot touch you.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

All Rights Reserved!

What your name does to me.


Being in love with someone who’s not in love with you is punishment. My Ammi said this to me years ago and I instantly knew she was talking about herself and Abbu, but I just didn’t know who was the person who was in love until one day Abbu packed his bags and left. That day Ammi started packing a bag underneath her eyes and she had those with her until the day she died. After seeing what love can do to people I swore to God that I’ll never fall in love and that was broken the day I met you.

I remember that someone once told me, you transform in love. When in love you are the whole world and the world is you and sometimes it only takes a name, your lovers name to change your body into oceans, riverbeds and landslides and now I know that true because….

Every time I hear your name being called out it’s like the tectonic plates inside my body just shifted whilst there’s a tsunami forming above my navel and it’s snowing down the artic of my belly button while a gasping tornado just struck the Mexican walls of my rib cages as the African caves inside my throat is gasping for breath. And even though this is punishment I don’t mind being the world because love makes me universal and I’m so in love with you, I’m so in love that I now know how Ammi might have felt when she packed all those bags underneath her eyes just to be in love.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020
All Rights Reserved!

Love is eternally toxic


The last time you left me you said that love is eternally toxic. And you closed the door behind me as I was struggling not to cry. You came back three days later you didn’t say a thing, you didn’t apologise either we hugged on the fifth day.

The time before that you said it isn’t love if I can leave you and be okay with it. And you closed the door behind me while I was on the floor crying. And you came home 48 and a half hours later holding a rose in your hand and a cut in your left hand, you broke a mirror you said as I tended to the wound.

The time before that you said you can’t be in love with me because you’ve never been in love before and it can’t be love if it hurts this much and you closed the door behind me as I was shouting at you. You came back the next morning with a letter in your hand that said you loved me a hundred times and it hurts more to leave me than how much it hurts to stay.

This time before you left you said that, I love you so much that I have to leave you because I can’t stay because…. I can’t stay and I held the door for you and I closed it behind your back.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Forever boy

You know
The kind of boy
Who holds your face
Inside his palms like
He’s holding water
And he’s so careful
Not to let it drip out of
The spaces in between his fingers
And he’s thirty too
But he won’t drink it
Because he’s scared that
What will happen next
What will happen after he’s done
With the water
And he holds it and
Looks upon it with glazing eyes
And feel it cool the edges of his palms
His fingers, his palm lines
His fingerprints.
You know that boy?
I had him too
I loved him too
Then my love had to die
Because he was too late to drink me.
So you know that boy?
Who just looks at you and not do anything
You’ll have to wait forever for him
So you know that boy?
So know this too that
He’s not for you.

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©The Rendezvous Club

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