Love is eternally toxic


The last time you left me you said that love is eternally toxic. And you closed the door behind me as I was struggling not to cry. You came back three days later you didn’t say a thing, you didn’t apologise either we hugged on the fifth day.

The time before that you said it isn’t love if I can leave you and be okay with it. And you closed the door behind me while I was on the floor crying. And you came home 48 and a half hours later holding a rose in your hand and a cut in your left hand, you broke a mirror you said as I tended to the wound.

The time before that you said you can’t be in love with me because you’ve never been in love before and it can’t be love if it hurts this much and you closed the door behind me as I was shouting at you. You came back the next morning with a letter in your hand that said you loved me a hundred times and it hurts more to leave me than how much it hurts to stay.

This time before you left you said that, I love you so much that I have to leave you because I can’t stay because…. I can’t stay and I held the door for you and I closed it behind your back.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Walking away


It all starts with you
You switching on and off the lights
And I am sitting in front of my soup bowl
Wanting, thinking to bite off my nails
Wishing, aching to scratch off my skin.
I want to walk backwards now,
Walk off of this room and never let
You turn these lights on.
I want to walk off the kitchen and not cook today.
I want to walk into a bar rather
Or a karaoke, then listen to some stranger sing one of my favorite song terribly,
Choke on some peanuts and fall
Asleep on the counter, like I’m dead
But sober. I want to walk into a zoo
And pet the Lions there, maybe watch
Them as they bite off my hands
Like they were more passionate
About my hands than I am of them.
I want to walk off this room and forget everything
About this night
I want to learn the art of disappearing
Then perfect the art of forgetting,
I want to walk out of this room now and
Forget you because
It all starts with you walking into me. .


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Women with ache

My mother pinches the side of my body
And says it’s lose, tighten it
It’s hanging out lose, tighten it
Tighten, tighten, tighten it like a lose screw
Turn, one. turn right
Two. turn left
Do this twenty times a day
It will tighten on its own
Nobody like it when women are lose.

It’s Saturday, I’m in a bus going home
Wearing my No means no t-shirt
And the man standing near me
Reads it as a yes
He simply slips his fingers down my skin
He again reads it as yes
He is searching for a treasure
And I can see the map in his eyes.
I adjust my shirt then
So that he can see the no in it
But all he sees is the cleavage
And I adjust my shirt again
And gets off the bus one stop ahead.

I raise my hands and she says that
My shirt is small
Don’t raise you hand
Don’t raise your opinion
Don’t raise your voice
Don’t, don’t, don’t.
I can see your skin
I can see your words
I can see your rage
I can, I can, I can. So shut up.
My feminism crumbles like an old abandoned building in front of my mother
And my stretch marks forgets to bleed milk
I am a colorless painting
All you can make out from me is the white borders
My feminism aches in front of my mother
And my poetry, they bleed.
But she forgets to see both.
So I endure men with pain and
Women with ache.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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When you love a Sun and you are a Sun.


I love someone. He knows that I do but he doesn’t says anything about it though. He just said it’s gonna hurt. I asked him, who? And he said me and you both. When a Moon and a Sun is in love, they have eclipse, when a Sun loves a planet he Dawn on it as light. But what happens when a Sun is in love with another Sun? You simply just can’t do anything, other than feel the pain I guess. And I know it’s gonna hurt.

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PS:- I’m not in love. Just some thoughts to ponder on, instilled by a friend.

Picture credit:- Pinterest

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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I am always you


I hope you never have to go through what I’m going through right now.. I miss you so much, yet I can’t tell you.. I love you so much yet your face turns blue every time I say it. It’s tormenting me to keep quiet, and not say, I love you, I love you, I love you to your face a million times. But I rather not see your face blue with fear of being loved. Sometimes being loved can be scary too I guess. But I haven’t known that fear yet. I have never been loved. When I started loving you I actually expected that you’ll be the one who’ll love me back, love me back, love me back, back me up, turn me to love, gift me flowers, blow me kisses, text me I miss you, walk by my side, drown each other’s sorrow in the rain. I think I’m too imaginative. I shouldn’t have thought about all this now. I’m going now, I’m going back, loving is so kind, but unloving so tormenting and it’s not impossible but rather it just is implausible. It’s just unlikely to happen.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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