Coping mechanisms — YouTube video

Hey guys my new YouTube video is out and it’s because of all your support that I keep posting these videos so I hope you support me on this one as well. And thank you for the love that you’ve been giving me.

The Link to the video is down below 👇

Reason to live

it’s not everyday that
your mother tells you that
she is alive just for you
just for you
not even for your sister
just for you
so in a way
that also means that
you saved a life didn’t you?
and it also means that
you’re the reason someone
didn’t take their life.
now you’re listening to her
you have a cup of coffee in your hand
it’s black, it’s hot
it’s burning the edges of your cuticle
you’re staring right into it
and all that’s running through your mind is that
weather you should dip your finger
inside the coffee or not
you know it’s hot
i know it’s hot.
it definitely is hot
but that compulsion is there
to dip your finger in the coffee
and burn it
because why not, right?
i’ve done this before
i’ve purposely hurted me
just so that I feel okay
Okay!
it’s raining outside
and your mother is crying
but you’re ignoring it
because if she has depression
you have it too.
you know that very well
you share everything
and the last time she banged her head
in the wall
You did it too
and the last time she held a knife to her wrist
and suddenly tried to hide it in front of you
two days before this
you held a knife to your chest too
but you didn’t break in it
just because you thought about her
just the way she thought about you
that you are just living for her
and she is the reason why you’re alive
just like how you’re the reason for her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Walking away


It all starts with you
You switching on and off the lights
And I am sitting in front of my soup bowl
Wanting, thinking to bite off my nails
Wishing, aching to scratch off my skin.
I want to walk backwards now,
Walk off of this room and never let
You turn these lights on.
I want to walk off the kitchen and not cook today.
I want to walk into a bar rather
Or a karaoke, then listen to some stranger sing one of my favorite song terribly,
Choke on some peanuts and fall
Asleep on the counter, like I’m dead
But sober. I want to walk into a zoo
And pet the Lions there, maybe watch
Them as they bite off my hands
Like they were more passionate
About my hands than I am of them.
I want to walk off this room and forget everything
About this night
I want to learn the art of disappearing
Then perfect the art of forgetting,
I want to walk out of this room now and
Forget you because
It all starts with you walking into me. .


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved !

I sort of published a book

Hey guys,

I have been a little busy with some things lately but now I’m here to let you know that I’ve self published a book. It was really exciting at first but now I’m all like what did I do and what’s going to happen, was it just so stupid of me to do this at this time and all 😅. Anyways I self published a book it’s called 21 at 21st. Currently it’s available on Notion press and soon it will be available on Amazon too. So for those of you who want to check the book out here is the link https://notionpress.com/read/21-at-21st

So I thank everyone for you support and help. I would have never wrote anything or published a book if it wasn’t for all you guys so thank you my lovelies.

Ps:- The book is only available in India

A man without a mother


Late at night,
While the stars were rumouring
About the sun’s disappearance.
Everyday night,
I rest my left arm near
Your neck
Where there is a cigarette burn mark
Which your father gave you
Like a birthday gift.
And then I think
Of all the women
You’ve used like pen knives,
Who cut open
The soft of your ribs
Trying to find a heart inside
Smoking, smelling of dried betle leaves
In orange fire and
Left you unstitched
Like a teenage mother after birth.
Who left you for the lack of validation
Of the relationship between
Your teeth and their lips,
Their hips and your hand,
Their name with your name.
While you were in search for
Your mother in all of them
Who left you
To your father,
To be burned by cigarettes alone
And you never knew
That the moment that smoking cigarette
Touched the prints of your numb palm
You turned into smoke itself.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!