Walking away


It all starts with you
You switching on and off the lights
And I am sitting in front of my soup bowl
Wanting, thinking to bite off my nails
Wishing, aching to scratch off my skin.
I want to walk backwards now,
Walk off of this room and never let
You turn these lights on.
I want to walk off the kitchen and not cook today.
I want to walk into a bar rather
Or a karaoke, then listen to some stranger sing one of my favorite song terribly,
Choke on some peanuts and fall
Asleep on the counter, like I’m dead
But sober. I want to walk into a zoo
And pet the Lions there, maybe watch
Them as they bite off my hands
Like they were more passionate
About my hands than I am of them.
I want to walk off this room and forget everything
About this night
I want to learn the art of disappearing
Then perfect the art of forgetting,
I want to walk out of this room now and
Forget you because
It all starts with you walking into me. .


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Eulogy


As I lay in a war bed
With my legs apart
Wearing nothing but magic
They pull a baby out of me
Like a flower
Purple they are and my mouth red
Thinking about you is a kind of torture
Which always resides in my head
And I allow them to be there
Like sunrises they are needed.
I let the wolves howl your name
Until there is no more of you
Left in my mouth
I wear white to your wedding
But inside me I’m blue.
You’re a kind of wonder
A wonder that causes destructions
In parts unknown
I move my lips
And you causes earthquakes on my wrist.
The lilac sky is singing homage to my heart
Are you dead
Or is it me
Who’s waking up in the arms of another man.
What would you write as a eulogy for me
If I write one for you
It would just say
You were mine.
Your skin sparkles like the dust of a mirror
I love you and your shards
Imprint my blood
You are all over my veins that
My blood is causing waves to crash my heart.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

A man without a mother


Late at night,
While the stars were rumouring
About the sun’s disappearance.
Everyday night,
I rest my left arm near
Your neck
Where there is a cigarette burn mark
Which your father gave you
Like a birthday gift.
And then I think
Of all the women
You’ve used like pen knives,
Who cut open
The soft of your ribs
Trying to find a heart inside
Smoking, smelling of dried betle leaves
In orange fire and
Left you unstitched
Like a teenage mother after birth.
Who left you for the lack of validation
Of the relationship between
Your teeth and their lips,
Their hips and your hand,
Their name with your name.
While you were in search for
Your mother in all of them
Who left you
To your father,
To be burned by cigarettes alone
And you never knew
That the moment that smoking cigarette
Touched the prints of your numb palm
You turned into smoke itself.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Women with ache

My mother pinches the side of my body
And says it’s lose, tighten it
It’s hanging out lose, tighten it
Tighten, tighten, tighten it like a lose screw
Turn, one. turn right
Two. turn left
Do this twenty times a day
It will tighten on its own
Nobody like it when women are lose.

It’s Saturday, I’m in a bus going home
Wearing my No means no t-shirt
And the man standing near me
Reads it as a yes
He simply slips his fingers down my skin
He again reads it as yes
He is searching for a treasure
And I can see the map in his eyes.
I adjust my shirt then
So that he can see the no in it
But all he sees is the cleavage
And I adjust my shirt again
And gets off the bus one stop ahead.

I raise my hands and she says that
My shirt is small
Don’t raise you hand
Don’t raise your opinion
Don’t raise your voice
Don’t, don’t, don’t.
I can see your skin
I can see your words
I can see your rage
I can, I can, I can. So shut up.
My feminism crumbles like an old abandoned building in front of my mother
And my stretch marks forgets to bleed milk
I am a colorless painting
All you can make out from me is the white borders
My feminism aches in front of my mother
And my poetry, they bleed.
But she forgets to see both.
So I endure men with pain and
Women with ache.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

I am always you


I hope you never have to go through what I’m going through right now.. I miss you so much, yet I can’t tell you.. I love you so much yet your face turns blue every time I say it. It’s tormenting me to keep quiet, and not say, I love you, I love you, I love you to your face a million times. But I rather not see your face blue with fear of being loved. Sometimes being loved can be scary too I guess. But I haven’t known that fear yet. I have never been loved. When I started loving you I actually expected that you’ll be the one who’ll love me back, love me back, love me back, back me up, turn me to love, gift me flowers, blow me kisses, text me I miss you, walk by my side, drown each other’s sorrow in the rain. I think I’m too imaginative. I shouldn’t have thought about all this now. I’m going now, I’m going back, loving is so kind, but unloving so tormenting and it’s not impossible but rather it just is implausible. It’s just unlikely to happen.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

Nylon skirts and empty glasses


Through those shards of the window glass
Where she used to meet her morning love
In red, green, silly violets snd purples in diamond blues.
Where morning cups of coffees froze till
Their words dried out of silence.
A wind came into light through
The white painted door,
Swaying floralskirts in white and nylon, drinking the
Hot the yellow sun as she walked the dwey lawn.
She never cared in front of others
All left alone, inside a void.
She never cared, he left alone and
All of the sun’s love was in her cup.
In the shards of window glasses
Where the sun bruised it’s shade.
She wore nylon, drank from empty glasses
Danced up in circles and twirled
Till the sun set cold on her shoulder bone
And as the bedsheets set an empty trance
Of a long lost love
Of a long lost lover and her.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!

24 things I never told you


1. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you.

2. You don’t really need a face to fall for someone, you just need to see their heart.

3. It felt so better to be lonely with someone, than being lonely alone.

4. Your goodnights were the only thing, that made my nights better.

5. If we were supposed to name our body parts then I would have named my heart after you.

6. I used to draw circles on air and parallels next to it to convince myself how different we were. Circles and parallels.

7. I once wrote your name on my diary next to mine and I tore off the page as soon as my mother walked in.

8. When I cross a field I think of all the flowers you never gave me.

9. I don’t know how, but all your favorites are mine too now and I can’t get rid of them.

10. I cried when you left.

11. I wrote a song for you and I play it when I drown every night. They plays like a lullaby at times and the rest of the time, they are my mourning song.

12. I’m trying to find you in every person I meet. But none of them can hurt me like you did.

13. I hallucinate you on lonely nights.

14. I look at the moon and he smiles like you, and fireflies flies into my hair and burns my head.

15. Fall in love, and you never stops falling, it’s an endless pit.

16. I allowed you to hurt me, knowing fully well what you were doing and I thought that was love.

17. I’m sorry you had to hurt me because you were hurt in the first place.

18. I knew I wasn’t enough, still I tried my best.

19. I hope you forget me.

20. I can never forget you.

21. I sometimes looks into the mirror, think of you and talk to myself.

22. I can never forget you.

23. I realize now that hope is a dying star. But it dies really slow and I might not last untill then.

24. I can never forget you.


©The Rendezvous Club 2019

All Rights Reserved!