Letting go


Today will be my first day
of unloving you
Even though it has been
24 days 12 hours and 6 minutes
since you left
I tried to hold on to you
for this long
And today in my dreams
I saw you leaving for one last time
And when I woke up
I decided to let you go
But letting go isn’t easy.
Letting go is like taking off
the bandage and realizing
how bad it was to not get that tetanus shot
Because now the wound is festering.
Letting go is like holding onto
to that plastic wire
Slipping off your hand
with a weight in the other end
and feel it cutting through your skin
and muscles
Letting go is like holding on
but it hurts much more.
Letting go is like that bad habbit
that you keep defending but
Even though you keep defending it
Even though you keep on trying
to hold onto to it
You’ll have to let go someday
Maybe today.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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In eden


You deserve to be
Filled with a love
That makes you feel
Like the most favorite flower
In God’s garden
And you deserves to be
Taken care of with the
Most gentlest care
That it makes you wonder
Am I the most luckiest
In Eden.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Why I have my mother’s name as my second name?

Because one day my father left
And didn’t come back.
Because he said that don’t let your daughter
Grow up like you did
Hence I decided to be the fruit of her womb.
Because she stood up for herself
And I felt empowered.
Because she showed me, we women
We can do it all alone.
Because I am from her
All this rage and love.
Because she deserves a place with me
In my victory.
Because she is the one who made it
Possible.
Because she didn’t give up.
Because she taught me courage is enough.
Because she said being a woman
Is not an end to bravery.
Because her name means the moon
And I am the sun and with her
I’m the whole freaking solar system.
Because I am from her
And I am everything she dreamt of.
Because it’s not just a name,
It’s an identity
Which is drenched in the sweat and blood
Of a woman’s life long struggle.
And because it’s possible to be named after
Your mother and still be human.

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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Love Is crazy


You always tell me not to fall in love with you and then you places your finger on my lips as if you know that I’m going to confess to you then and there that I’ve been in love with you ever since we met and now there is no point in you advising me not to fall in love with you as I am already in love with you, I always was in love with you and there is no need to ask me not to fall now as I’ve already reached the bottom of the pit called love.

Love is what the eyes can’t see yet the heart can feel. I can feel you in every one of my breath as if my love for you is an organ inside my body trying to keep me alive, trying to salvage what’s left of my sanity, keeping me upright and from tripping over.

I often wonder how is it that love acts both as the disease and the panacea for the affected. How it makes people crazy and how it brings back people to their senses all at once. How can something have two opposite effects on someone’s heart at the same time. I guess I’ll never know.

I know it is your right to ask me not to fall in love just as much as it is my right to fall in love with you without your permission. And I does what my heart says without listening to my head saying that this is the road towards pain and you may not be rewarded with love in the end. And I still walk down that lane hoping that something might change and I’ll be loved the same way as I am loving you. I guess that’s what love makes of you. It stretches you apart as much as you can stretch to know how durable you are then it lets you go so that you come bangging back to your own pieces and hurt everywhere just to know how much you can endure pain. Love is the craziest thing in the world. It makes you do stuff which you’ve never even imagined you’d do and it is also the most perfect thing in the world. It perfects your soul.


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© The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Letting Go


Sometimes I wonder was i wrong to let you go? Should I have hold on to you longer? Did I make a mistake in love? To be frank, i don’t know the answer to that. No matter how hard I try I can’t come to an actual conclusion. Questions on love will always be without an actual answer to it, Mom always used to say that. We don’t love people for a reason but on the contrary we love people because we think they will love us more, more than we love ourselves. I guess in that way we’re all selfish.

Whenever I think about love, I think of you and I always end up blaming myself for letting you go. Maybe I was wrong to do so. Because whenever I ask my heart was I right in letting you go my heart always replies holding on you to hurted much less than this heartbreak that I am suffering from now. Maybe my heart is right. Maybe holding on to you hurted much less but the thing is the more I held on to you the less I loved you. Because I had only you to blame for all the ache that I was enduring. And now that I’ve let you go, I blame myself for everything, I blame myself for giving up on us, I blame myself for letting you go. But I still love you the same and that kind of makes all this pain seem less. Because now you’ll stay the same, and you will always be the one I loved. And even though this heartbreak hurts so much now I know with time my heart will be whole again and this scar will heal but if I had hold on to you still I would have ended up hurting us both and we would have ended up loving each other less. And I guess in that way it was better, to let go.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Memory Bubble


As I close my eyes today under the ceiling fan working it’s way through the hot of January Kerala heat. I am preparing to dissolve myself into you. My body is a sweater that you have knitted around your heart and I fits you perfectly, even our hands fits perfectly like the dark and the moon. But there is a thread that’s sticking out, like a broken bone it’s so visible around the pale blue bruise and the blackish dried blood, I hope nobody pulls on that tread. I don’t want to be without you. I can’t stop feeling the warmth of your embrace leaving my heart for too long and the very thought of it is like the melancholy rain falling on my yellow umbrella with a hole in it. But I know you’ll leave. You have to leave. We knew this the day that we met that we’ll both leave and this sweater that we’ve knitted around each other will not be needed when summer arrives. But still I think I love you too much not to leave you now. And that’s why I’ve decided not to let this broken bone melt into it’s former shape or to let this bruised skin heal into what it was before. And that’s why I am letting this hurt that I am in right now to be the pain that reminds me of every memory that we had. Because in this way I’ll always be running into you every time a memory pops up.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Faraway


I cannot touch you
Neither can I suture those wounds
You showed me a picture of two days ago
Because one, I’m not a nurse or a doctor
And two, you’re so far away

I can’t touch you.
And I know that the second reason
Will always hurt me the most
Because if I was close
I would have at least called a doctor for you,
Or rushed you to a hospital
Or at least kissed your wound and
Told you it will all be fine
But you’re far away
And I only see pictures of you in wounds
And they never bleeds out of the photographs
Because they’re still
But still, they kill me
Because I cannot touch you.


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©The Rendezvous Club 2020

All Rights Reserved!