Trigger Warning:- Rape, hope and everything else

Every boy I’ve ever loved had a smile that curled up inside blood. Each time he spread his hands to show me how deep his love for me was, I saw map routes to cities abandoned by him in his palm lines. Each city had a woman weeping in it. He folded his arms like a memory before I could make out who those women were.

Maa shoves a prayer down my throat saying she wishes to see me alive. I open my eyes and something sparkle inside the black of what’s left from my dream. I open my mouth and a wish leaves my tongue like a poem. I recite it again and again until my lover shuts my mouth with his.

My sister says that there’s a lady in Palastine who makes flower gardens out of Israeli gas bomb shells. And that teaches me that a ruin is not the end. It gives me hope. A hope that my ruin maybe a temple waiting to be discovered and someday someone might pray upon my doorstep and I will bloom into life.

On somedays I look out the window to see butterflies asking permission to drink honey from flowers. They flutter their wings, they land gently on their skin, they touch with at most care and then they drink the nectar like worshipping them. The very act of watching a butterfly at work is very much like a prayer. And sometimes I wish humans were also like butterflies, because then they’ll never learn to rape.

Butterflies are better when it comes to consent


There are two kinds of sins in this world
The first one is to love a man
And the second one is slightly dangerous
The second one lights a torch in the mouth of those who ever says it out loud
The second one binds you in a closet because you’re afraid of homophobia being shoved down your throat
Asking you to eat it up or die of asphyxiation from all hate clawing back to you from the churning sensation in that church going lady’s stomach.
But if you ask me the second one is like a flower
That grows in the feilds with weeds
Without frowning at the weeds
Because they follows acceptance
They see through the sparkle in their eyes that told them just how phobia ruins lives of people who had never even started to live.
The second one counts the ribs to tell God
He forgot to place those bones inside a woman
Hoping that God will reply, I never made a mistake when I made you
Your bones are right where they should be.
You see,
There are two kinds of sins in this world.
The first one is to love a man
And the second one is to be a man who loves a man.


©The Rendezvous Club 2020
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Fools in love

Madhav, I’m so sorry that I fell in love with you, despite all your warnings. But I gotta say we both knew this was inevitable. I always knew that this was gonna happen and I let it happen because when something as rare as love comes knocking on the door of your heart one day, who will say no? Therefore even I couldn’t say no and I let it come in knowing that it will be the end of a friendship I long cherished.

You were so different than anyone I had ever met. I don’t think I know any other writer who hates rain. I don’t know no other person who loves sun more than the moon and I know no other person who when holding my hands makes my breath stop…. Maybe that’s why I loved you because you were different than any other person I knew and I wanted you all to myself.

Some people say that when in love it’s only the little things that matter and I was so in love that I only looked at the little things and I forgot to see the big picture. I was stuck at the little things, the little moments, the countless minutes of cute romantic gestures. . . . . I loved how you always sipped the last of my chai every time we were together. I have no idea why you used to do that because you said hated chai more than how I hated paneer. And I loved it that you bought me Gems every time you came to meet me and how you gathered all the purple gems to make a small heart out of them and how each time you asked me to put an arrow through that heart. It made me think that maybe you also felt the same for me in indefinite moments.

Maybe you did love me in our little things. But the big picture had something else to say. But I, I loved you infinitely. I loved you knowing that you will never be mine and that you can’t be mine. That makes me a little foolish, doesn’t it? But I can’t really blame myself for this, because aren’t we all fools in love?



PS:- The story is fictional



© The Rendezvous Club 2020

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Love is eternally toxic

The last time you left me you said that love is eternally toxic. And you closed the door behind me as I was struggling not to cry. You came back three days later you didn’t say a thing, you didn’t apologise either we hugged on the fifth day.

The time before that you said it isn’t love if I can leave you and be okay with it. And you closed the door behind me while I was on the floor crying. And you came home 48 and a half hours later holding a rose in your hand and a cut in your left hand, you broke a mirror you said as I tended to the wound.

The time before that you said you can’t be in love with me because you’ve never been in love before and it can’t be love if it hurts this much and you closed the door behind me as I was shouting at you. You came back the next morning with a letter in your hand that said you loved me a hundred times and it hurts more to leave me than how much it hurts to stay.

This time before you left you said that, I love you so much that I have to leave you because I can’t stay because…. I can’t stay and I held the door for you and I closed it behind your back.



©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Women, Men, God, Love

1. Mamma says that when a man walks on a woman’s skin. She’ll burn in pain but nobody will see any burn marks and pain isn’t visible. So nobody will know what she had been through.

2. Some men are healers.

3. God is a man, God is a man, God is a man.
4. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.

5. The dept of exit wounds are directly proportional to your emotional attachment towards the person who’s making them.

6. I have one in my heart, he loved me. I am not dead.

7. After 16 your heart is mosaic. A mosaic made out of all the men who left you to pieces. But it isn’t art, it isn’t beautiful. All the tiles are of the same color and the cracks are visible. They do not form poetry, they form a floor for a home to be built above them. A home for love, which is dead.

8. Now prejudice have replaced superstitions. I’ve heard a man say that if a woman smells like that of a man then in ten years you’ll see her making out with another woman. Or if a woman behaves manly enough then she hates men in general, and she’s called a feminist.

9. I know all this and a little more and I’m only 21.

Image from Pinterest



©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Humans don’t have wings

Mamma told me to sink down the sea
Mamma told me to lie on my back
And let the sun shine on my skin.
Tear off both the wings on my back
Tear off all the feathers that’s been
Weighing me down from being a human
All of this while.
Mamma said let no one walk on your back by
Calling you an angel.
Mamma told me, be a girl darling
Don’t pretend you have wings
You have two hands and that’s always enough.
Wear that striped shirt, that full sleeve one.
Ride a ship into the mouth of the sun
Burn, burn yourself up.
Then come back the next day to tell
All the tale, wear your darkness
All on your eyes, wear your burn marks
All over your tongue, spit words of fire
And let them know how
Flawed of a human you are and
Let no one walk on above you
Calling you an angel, you’re human
As flawed as everyone,
Remember that and walk up,
Work up, to your dreams.

© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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