Dear sixteen

I could say a thousand things to my sixteen year old self
And they’ll never be enough
But these are the most important of them all
The most important seven things
Which would have changed it all like weather
I could have rained or I could have been a perfectly sunny day
But I became a tornado, no a tsunami and washed all the islands of my life away.
Dear sixteen read this now even though you’re 22
You survived it all even though it was worse.

1. Don’t give him your number when he asks you. And don’t let him come near you, his intentions aren’t right. Don’t let him fool you with the word love, to him you’re just a flower for him to crush inside the lines of his palms.

2. Your father maybe away, your father may not love you, your father may love you in excess, your father may be away but you still are whole and you don’t need no other boy to complete you. You’re a hero, a heroine, a wonder and you’re perfect just the way you are.

3. You don’t have to kiss him if you don’t want to. Just shake him off of you and scream into his ears until they bleed.

4. You are allowed to say no, and dear the world maynot be a good place but you’ll eventually get into a better place than you’re in right now.

5. Your first love will not love you back, so love him truly like you mean it and like you don’t care if you get it back or not. Your love is yours, it comes from within you and you shouldn’t care about nothing else.

6. Birthdays will get boring soon and you’ll end up loving coffee more than dancing. Love the things you love while it last because soon things will change.

7. What defines you is you. You don’t need nobody, anybody or anything else to do it for you. You are you, you are the perfect you, you are the only you. So be you and make yourself proud.

You’re 16, you’re 22, all that you should care about in this world is you.

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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When you love a Sun and you are a Sun.

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I love someone. He knows that I do but he doesn’t says anything about it though. He just said it’s gonna hurt. I asked him, who? And he said me and you both. When a Moon and a Sun is in love, they have eclipse, when a Sun loves a planet he Dawn on it as light. But what happens when a Sun is in love with another Sun? You simply just can’t do anything, other than feel the pain I guess. And I know it’s gonna hurt.

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PS:- I’m not in love. Just some thoughts to ponder on, instilled by a friend.

Picture credit:- Pinterest

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Can you love someone deeply yet not enough?

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I got a text from him last Friday saying that he’s going out for a while. He does this a lot and I’m fine with it. People do need their space but I just can’t believe that I accept it now. That people need space. I never thought that you needed breaks from people you love. Maybe I still don’t believe that.

When we met yesterday after his break, he looked the same, he loved the same and he smiled at me while he took his first sip of coffee and said it needed more sugar just like always. But. . . .

Can you love someone and not love them just enough? Unfortunately I think it’s possible. That’s what we were. He loved me but just not enough to hold me close. We just had a brief conversation and I was silent mostly. And when he thought something might be off he asked me what is going on with me? I chose not to reply and I just asked him something

Did you miss me while you were away? Did you miss me at all? He didn’t say anything for a while and just continued to stare into my face, motionless. He loves his space, his solitude, he loves him more. And I can’t do that, I can’t be the person who loves someone more than myself and be with a person who loves themselves more than me. Because it just feels so unfair.

Can someone love you but not love you enough?
Yes. . . . .! And yes . . . . . . It’s painful!

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019!

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24 things I never told you

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1. I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you.

2. You don’t really need a face to fall for someone, you just need to see their heart.

3. It felt so better to be lonely with someone, than being lonely alone.

4. Your goodnights were the only thing, that made my nights better.

5. If we were supposed to name our body parts then I would have named my heart after you.

6. I used to draw circles on air and parallels next to it to convince myself how different we were. Circles and parallels.

7. I once wrote your name on my diary next to mine and I tore off the page as soon as my mother walked in.

8. When I cross a field I think of all the flowers you never gave me.

9. I don’t know how, but all your favorites are mine too now and I can’t get rid of them.

10. I cried when you left.

11. I wrote a song for you and I play it when I drown every night. They plays like a lullaby at times and the rest of the time, they are my mourning song.

12. I’m trying to find you in every person I meet. But none of them can hurt me like you did.

13. I hallucinate you on lonely nights.

14. I look at the moon and he smiles like you, and fireflies flies into my hair and burns my head.

15. Fall in love, and you never stops falling, it’s an endless pit.

16. I allowed you to hurt me, knowing fully well what you were doing and I thought that was love.

17. I’m sorry you had to hurt me because you were hurt in the first place.

18. I knew I wasn’t enough, still I tried my best.

19. I hope you forget me.

20. I can never forget you.

21. I sometimes looks into the mirror, think of you and talk to myself.

22. I can never forget you.

23. I realize now that hope is a dying star. But it dies really slow and I might not last untill then.

24. I can never forget you.

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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You’ll never know

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Sometimes you love someone and they don’t love you back. But you continue to love them. In no hope and you never stop loving them and in the end you betray yourself, you take away the chance of loving someone else, who just might love you back.

He called me yesterday and said that we should meet.

We have been friends for a long time. Things were always nice when he was there. But we did had our share of fights, arguments and misunderstandings. We weren’t perfect.

He came over to my house to declare the news. He said he’s going away for a while and I felt as if someone just dropped a missile on my chest.

He was just so excited. So I pretended to be happy and made him feel more happy.

After he left is when things started to get darker inside me. What if he never comes back? What if he don’t call? How long will he stay away ? Will it be like last time? Will he slowly get busy and wander off?

I guess I’ll never know. When you love a person who doesn’t love you back then the thing is you are never sure about the future. You’ll never know.

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019

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We broke it/us

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What would you do if something is so right? I once asked him. He replied; we make it wrong.

That’s exactly what happened with us. We were so textbook right that, we made us wrong.

1) Keeping count of time.

We used to talk always, we used to talk a lot and when we started talking less, that time difference played an important role in keeping us apart. We were so scared that we were drifting away just because we talked less. We were actually more scared that we sort of started thinking it as a timetable that we forgot to follow. Our first mistake was that we convinced ourselves that time was ripping us off but it was our thoughts that was doing so. We gave importance to something which didn’t matter. Time never mattered feelings did .Don’t mess that up.

2) We shared ourselves too much.

We were so open with each other that we always felt like we were always with each other. But then we shared everything that things slowly started to be a ritual. More like calendar work. And finally like a recluse we forgot which day it was and what week. Stay together but not within each other, just together. I know that now.

3) I take you back, every time you come back.

You leave for your own good, I make peace with it, I sob, I lament, I cry, I break myself into pieces and I lay there on the floor trying to pick myself up. Convincing myself this is life and no fairytale, then you come back and I take you in because my heart still is convinced it’s a fairy tale.

4) You collect my broken pieces.

You leave, you come back, you leave, you come back and when I let you in, I never notices that you came back to get a part from my broken pieces and then walk away again. Then come back again when you miss me collect another part and leave. But what I should have known was, if I let you continue this, I wouldn’t be able to stand up on myself with all those missing pieces of myself.

5) We broke each other.

We were so right for each other that we couldn’t stand it and ended up ruining ourselves and our mind. Are you over me yet?

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© The Rendezvous Club 2019

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Always you

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That day after I left

I still haven’t reached home yet.

I walked a million miles

Searched woods and lakes,

Met life and death.

I walked and I walked and I walked

To the left, to my right

Through passages which leads under earth.

But I just haven’t reached home yet

And now I’ve come to realize,

My home was always you!

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©The Rendezvous Club 2019!

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A sunflower’s insanity

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A sunflower went to a bouquet shop

Tried to buy a Garland of roses

Just to be worn around it’s head.

The sun got mad at the flower

For it’s atrocity and asked;

You yourself is a flower

Don’t you know that it hurts

When cut up to be born a bouquet.

The sunflower said;

I’m insane

I turned into one

When I started loving you,

You enslaved my head

Labeled me yours

And now I’m out trying to find stuff

To label as mine.

And I think that being a bouquet is better

Than being enslaved.

At least it dies in the hand of someone

Who appreciates love

As a symbol of love

With the knowledge that it was loved.

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©8/4/19 The Rendezvous Club

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